This shit be everywhere

Yeah, that's the title of a new series I'm calling THIS SHIT BE EVERYWHERE.

When I say "shit" I mean design trends.

When I say "everywhere" I mean blogs, pinterest, your face, internets, etc.

I'll start with my favorite: THE MOROCCAN 
POUF. They are super cute. And they add an INTERNATIONAL flava to your crib. Every blog I look at features a Moroccon pouf, as if they all shop at the same store. But do you think people in Morocco are siting on $200+ poufs? Let's think about that for one second. 

Why can't you do this, honey?

Painting the new kids room this weekend.And along comes a blog post in my reader to make me feel like the lazy, lazy terrible mother-to-be that I am.

I mean COME ON PEOPLE look at this wall. We were going to try stripes. But ...?

It's from a really cute blog about painting.

Maybe if my husband was more crafty. Maybe I should blame him. Yeah.

Bless you, Kleenex

Here's me going all design blog on you.

I really hate the ugly sunset or gradient packaging you normally find on little packets of tissue. But looky here...

Seriously, aren't these the cutest Kleenex you've ever seen? Jonathan Adler-ish design*spongy. Looking at their site, Kleenex is totally upping the entire game on design.

http://kleenex.com/EverydayTissue.aspx

The orange pattern is my fav. I would like to thank Kleenex for making me smile right before I wipe snot off things. Target gets honorable mention for carrying these impulse purchases at the checkout counter. Yes, I bought the 2 that were left. And yes, that's my finger in the right corner.

Making a bebe

In the middle of a pregnancy over here people. What?

If you f*ckers don't have DIY chicken wire party favors, a painted tree and homemade popcorn you know where you can go. Honeycomb theme anyone? Here. Here's a blog to help you plan. Yay!

MTM Mafia

This. This is one of those internet trends that I like to keep you aware of. This one is so weird that I don't think you'd would believe me unless I just showed it to you.

Oh, it's exactly what it sounds like. Moms. Putting things in muffin tins.

They do look cute. Or like a mistake. Moms put things in muffin tins and take pictures of it. And then begin world wide domination. Hopefully. I'm kinda scared to post more pictures, I am afraid of the Muffin Tin Mom Mafia destroying my life.

My kid would be like, what are you doing with that Muffin Tin, Mom? And she's push it on to the ground. Here's an FAQ on MTMs, incase you are considering becoming one. MUFFIN TIN MOM, that is.

Curated? Curate this.

Notice how whenever a blogger gets a big time feature somewhere, it's always "A curated collection by..." Really? Shopping on the internet is now called curating, bloggers? This is why I hate. In general.

Pretentious? Self important? Self Engrandizing?

I bet she calls her collections curated.

And I'm suuuuuuure these f-ers TOTALLY CURATE THINGS ALL DAY FOR TARGET AND KMART.

Oh and then there's the Curators Code. Seriously. I can't make this up, internets.

Here's what it reeeeally means:

curate  |ˈkyoŏˌrāt|

verb [ trans. ] (usu. be curated)

select, organize, and look after the items in (a collection or exhibition) : both exhibitions are curated by the museum's director.

So there you have it. Unless you're looking after the stuff you shop for on the internet, you're not really curating. You're shopping and making a style board.

Off to go curate.

Nails It

The New York Times published an article that articulates my feelings about the entire world of blogging. You should read it and comment here.

I would have never thought of calling it "propping" but that's what it is, isn't it? It's not real. It fake.

F* This

I found a new blog I love/hate. It's a simpler version of this blog. It just says F* your _______. And posts a picture. Much easier. It's pretty great. I enjoy TERRARIUM TUESDAY.

It gives me pleasure to see other people think that home decore blogs are fucking ridiculous. And make me feel bad about myself, my lack of decoration skills, and my overall inability to make a decision.

Thank you, Fuck your Negushi coffee table. So, what's your favorite item to say F to?

Oh, America

This blog makes me cringe a lot. For several reasons. She does do some cute outfits.

And she's not this bitch, so I'm fine with that.

http://anamericangirldoll.blogspot.com/

But. Uh. Um. Well. You decide.

Well that's fun

Blog hole day! I got stuck in one, here are the best of the best:

I watched the Oscars for you

It was totally boring. Here's all you need to know. You're welcome.

Yes J.Lo we see you.

Yes, Angie. We see you. And your leg.

Best Dress 1

Best Dress 2

Unfortunate. Someone is getting fired.

OH and, Sweetest award, moment, speech and movie.

Mommy Lunch Box Wars

When I pack my lunch it looks like this. And it's in a wet grocery store plastic bag. I'm amazing.

I don't have to pack my kids lunch yet. When I do, it will not be like this blog at all. It's basically a big "f*ck you" to everyone who ever packed their kids lunch and didn't make it Japanese-adorable.

I call it: LOOK AT ME, I PACK MY KIDS LUNCH. IT TAKES 3 HOURS.

Plus that shit will be all rolling around and not even be assemble by the time they open that lunch up. Right? Righh? Righ...

Mommy, why won't you play with me instead of packing my lunch for hours?

I like the note part. That's sweet.

Seriously. I just don't get it anymore. You're going to see me on the news, and it will be me standing in the middle of a freeway holding up printouts of this blog, and asking traffic to stop... and look at what people are doing. Then I will be free.

Guess what, I'm not the worst mom eveh...I present to you THIS.

I ain't afraid of no lunchbox blog. Really? Dude, Ghost Busters?

NAIL NOW!

That's the name of the place that does my nails. You have to say it in a yelling-bossy type way. That's how it's pronounced NAIL! NAAAAA OW!

So, I'm just here to tell you about all the crazy shit that is going on on the internet that you may not have noticed. There's an ENTIRE world of people doing crazy ass nail polish stuff and posting pictures of it. And I LOVE IT. There's color reviews, tutorials, competitions. It's bananananananaanners. Not sure where all this time comes from.

This is fantastic.  They even all do the same POSE (SEE). I like all new-da. LOVE IT.

Anyhoo, just another crazy piece of the internet. Delivered.

OMG! KENDITASTIC TIME

I hadn't checked up on this bitch in a while. Yeah, I said the B word. WHAT?
Remember her?  Are you accusing me of stalking her? You're way off.

She's kidding, right?  Greasy hair, Kendi? Really. Um, GA-Rows! And she's making skinny face with the neck/face thing look a little more unnatural then usual. I'm worried about her neck tendons.

What a smug, smug little cutie she is. I'm sitting in Starbux in my PJs. Should I take a picture of MY outfit today? Ugh. I hope her new store is going GREAT!

*SIDE HUG*

You thought YOU WERE CUTE? REALLY?

I freaking love nail polish. Which means I have 100001 nail polishes at home and my nails look like shit. Unless I pay someone else to do them. I've pretty much outsourced most of my daily upkeep of my body to other people.*  Since I'm lazy and bad at things.  I can't even slap paint on things with out f*ing up.

Um. And I'm EVEN DOING THAT WRONG.

THESE ARE SO ADORABLE I HATE THEM.
By them, I mean the little owls, for being so cute.

THERE'S A TUTORIAL I WON'T EVEN READ. PEOPLE DO THEIR NAILS LIKE THIS AT HOME.

I'M YELLING AT NAILS AND NAIL POLISH.

CAN YOU HEAR ME GAWD?
WHY DOES THE INTERNET MAKE ME FEEL SO LAME? ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU!!!!!!!

*An incomplete list of things I waste my money on  because I'm incapable of doing it as well as others: hair cuts, hair color, finger nails, toe nails, eye brows (basically all hair of any kind), washing lettuce, carrots in general,  making coffee, Thai food, Vietnamese Food, sandwiches in general, most desserts, TBC...

Oh I just threw this together for a snack SNAP

Really people? The posting recipes thing is so OUT OF CONTROL on the webs.

Every GD time I measure off a teaspoon of baking soda I feel like I need to SNAP a PIC. TO PROVE I COOK. TO PROVE I"M ALIVE. TO PROVE I ROCK.

Enter this little gem of a ridic recipe...gorgeous much? I gave up READING the recipe. I got tired. Do not judge me.

and blog...

I'm hysterically laughing now. Hahahahahahahahahahhaha

 I can barely make steamed broccoli these days.
Hahahahahahahahahahhahah

And I need a rest afterward.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

PS:
Why does everyone have a blog and do things better than me and take pictures of it to make me feel bad WAS the original name of this blog.

Happy First Week of 2012

I hate people who have time to make their house look amazing.