Mommy Blogger Week: The Queen Bee

If I was writing a book on internet memes, we're at the Chapter called "Mommy Bloggers." Or, "crazy blog bitches" as we [me] call them in my house.

Backstory: At some point in the early 2000's, being a stay at home mom went radical. The web-bubble pop of 2001, 9-11, or a general most-modern ennui made talented women rethink the work place, or; they said - fuck it - I want to be a homemaker. Whatever the cause, mommy's gone wild... at judging each other. So let's begin.

So there's Dooce. The OMB "Original Mommy Blogger." She went giant with her story of post-pardam depression. Talking about hating your kids much? Raw, relatable and human. There's an ex-Mormon spin on all of it. Bonus points - she got fired for complaining about her job on a blog. She Photoshops the f outta her photos, in the internets style. She has a photo of the day section, and other regular features that keep readers engaged day after day. She has built a very, very large community of moms and such. Very Shmart mah-ket-eng.

Here's why I hate her and don't read her blog: [SFX: dumping wine down my gullet]

At this point, she's douchy. A Professional Blogger. A banner ad huckster. Her husband quit his job. To become her manager. [SFX: me punching a hole in my wall.] She got a book deal, NO, TWO BOOK DEALS. See ABOUT ME section. Lame. I have low self esteem. I don't need this shit.

But the real reason I don't read it anymore? The photoshopping of the awesome lifestyle, the touring the country for your blog? Once you family makes a fat living on ad clicks on your blog, you're not really real, raw and relatable anymore, are you? She's got a f*cking trademark for f* sake. Ruuuully? F***.

Oh and she's so big, there is a mommy rebellion against her. Its totally amazing. Yeah, you didn't know the internet did this shit. It is real people. And I hate it all.

[SFX: me eating 16 100-calorie pack cookies.]