Mommy Blogger Week: The Queen Bee

If I was writing a book on internet memes, we're at the Chapter called "Mommy Bloggers." Or, "crazy blog bitches" as we [me] call them in my house.

Backstory: At some point in the early 2000's, being a stay at home mom went radical. The web-bubble pop of 2001, 9-11, or a general most-modern ennui made talented women rethink the work place, or; they said - fuck it - I want to be a homemaker. Whatever the cause, mommy's gone wild... at judging each other. So let's begin.

So there's Dooce. The OMB "Original Mommy Blogger." She went giant with her story of post-pardam depression. Talking about hating your kids much? Raw, relatable and human. There's an ex-Mormon spin on all of it. Bonus points - she got fired for complaining about her job on a blog. She Photoshops the f outta her photos, in the internets style. She has a photo of the day section, and other regular features that keep readers engaged day after day. She has built a very, very large community of moms and such. Very Shmart mah-ket-eng.

Here's why I hate her and don't read her blog: [SFX: dumping wine down my gullet]

At this point, she's douchy. A Professional Blogger. A banner ad huckster. Her husband quit his job. To become her manager. [SFX: me punching a hole in my wall.] She got a book deal, NO, TWO BOOK DEALS. See ABOUT ME section. Lame. I have low self esteem. I don't need this shit.

But the real reason I don't read it anymore? The photoshopping of the awesome lifestyle, the touring the country for your blog? Once you family makes a fat living on ad clicks on your blog, you're not really real, raw and relatable anymore, are you? She's got a f*cking trademark for f* sake. Ruuuully? F***.

Oh and she's so big, there is a mommy rebellion against her. Its totally amazing. Yeah, you didn't know the internet did this shit. It is real people. And I hate it all.

[SFX: me eating 16 100-calorie pack cookies.]


  1. What the hell?!?! I want a GD book deal(s)! Mormons...

  2. dooce used to make me laugh so hard. i stopped reading when she started posting her too long/too precious letters to/about her daughter. does she still do that? plus, i don't want to see pictures of anybody's dog ever. except my own. and even then.

  3. I could never get into it. Apparently she makes $50,000 a MONTH. MONTH. $50,000. On ad clicks on her blog. How can that be? And it's just kind of a "my boring fabulous life" blog now.

  4. Please email me! I have a question about your blog! :)


  5. I just found your blog googling, "hate mommy blogs", can't wait to read more, love it. I'm also very jealous of your blog name...brilliant, just sayin'.

  6. cari! Thank you! You made my day/month/ spring 2013!!! I need to post more I suck!