Coming soon...

Next week we'll talk all about mommy blogs! It's more insane then you could ever imagine!

Good times ahead.

Come with me, won't you?


Outfit of the Day week - the Finale

Let's close out a week of Outfit of the Day blogs on a positive note. Look at me, being all sun shiny and sh*t!

A blog I actually, ahem, like.
While this blog does have all the features of a blog I hate, ie the blogger had a simple idea, went for it, and now gets to blog for a living, I don't hate it. Here's why.

It's made up of real people. Walking down the street. No posing and being adorable for the camera, Kendi. No primping for hours then acting spontaneous! Just people. Who dressed themselves. Well.
I want to be friends.

Even the About Me is non-vom inducing.

Unlike a primadonna Outfit of the Day type blogs that capture a prissy little smarmy pants taking a picture of herself, this blogs is genuine. In an Up With People kind of way. And it's just cool to see real people who aren't posers. It's very editorial and real and I like it.
Red shorts, what?!

This blog even makes me think that shorts, in fact, are not just for poor people.

I guess, in the LOOK AT ME world of blogging, it's nice to to see realness being admired.
And the blogger is uberfamous now. And see, I don't hate your blog! YAY FOR ME.


You just need to see this one . . .

This person has an outfit-of-the-day blog but...yeah.

Just, digest that for a moment.

Breathe. Sit with it for a minute.

Let me know what you think in the comments.


A word about OOTD blogs and the state of America

“I will to take a picture of my outfit everyday, then post it online for all the interwebs to see.”

This thought occurs to people, all the time. They then set up a blog and take a picture of their outfit everyday and post it on a blog called something like My Kooky Dookie Outfit. It's the outfit-of-the-day blog. Or OOTD Blogs, as of course, these people call themselves. There's thousands of these blogs.

No. I don’t understand how this happend, either.

Who else would want to do this? An Indigo Child, or Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now maybe? Narcissistic much?

My Grandma [God Rest Your Soul Mary] told stories of waiting in breadlines. Thank god she's not here to have to explain this to. And the Greatest Generation  quietly weeps...
Grandma, my job is to blog!
PS:  Here’s my outfit everyday, no photo needed: imagine a hobo person, add a cardigan (my office is fa-reezing) with some throw up on the shoulder.


101 Bleghs

As per usual, the idea behind this blog is amazingly simple, my friends. And now, this blogger is her own bloggy empire. I'm sure she quit her job and supports like 25 people. From her B.L.O.G.

She was all, "OMG, I have too many cookbooks! Guess I will blog about the recipes I cook from these cookbooks. I will call it 101 Cookbooks, to mimic the Disney animated feature 101 Dalmatians."

Not only does she cook healthy, amazing recipes, she takes *beautiful* pictures of her food. (She's a photographer as well.) And she's pretty and has written a few of her own award-winning cookbooks books. Eh. I'm good at maybe one thing and I'm not even sure what that is yet.
Don't act like you know what tef is, okay? But it looks de-lish.

I want to like the recipes more than I usually do. There's always one ingredient I don't understand. Then I realize "I'm not the cultured of a person or a cook, for that matter." I don't know what harissa is. 



From the - Why didn't I think of that - File

This blog is called Things Organized Neatly. It's a visual blog of -- you guessed it -- junk organized. (Grrrrrrroan). It's popular with the design crowd, and frankly, occasionally I enjoy seeing  the ingredients for pasta sauce all spread out. It's purrty.

Is it a visual representation of the simplicity we all long for in post-modern society but fail to achieve?
Is it the visual equivalent of Deconstructionism?
A backlash against the visual clutter we're bombarded with?
An anti-hoarders movement?

I don't know.

Do the photogs look cool? Yes.
Food organized!

It's Real Simple magazine on No Doz, vitamin C and cocaine.

To achieve this look and a post on this blog: choose a topic, deconstruct, organize, sort, and space everything of one color and shape together then photograph from above. On wood.  If it doesn't look like a Real Simple magazine spread, take a deep breath and chill the f*ck out. No one cares. And there's like a million submissions a day, so you have a good chance.

PS: Technically it's not a "blog," it's a Tumblr (which is a blog). Only a person under 30 would care about that distinction. And I would call that person a douchy Millennial.

A blog I do not hate...

wrote a post in my honor. Yay!

Etsy Stalkers can make fun of my height any old day. And how I can't make a decision. Or decorate. And my 8 month-old baby girl. Wait. That's not cool.
Here's an Etsy store in honor of the Esty Stalkers blog. Maybe you should die is full of funny, relatable and kinda creepy cards. They are all cute, rude and kinda stalkerish. Thanks Jules.

A Super Human Blogger

So of course I was researching how to make a birdbath. I obvs can't do anything right, so I should I try to make a bird bath?

Then I found her. Herrrrrr. [EYES SQUINCHED]

This lady. Martha meets Ty meets an IT guy meets Bear Grilz. And you can ask her kwrestions about how to do stuff -- and she'll answer you. She even comments back to her commenters. Sheesh, lady.

People. She's got power tools. She's making icing. Chicken coop - made. Raising Monarch butterflies? Yes. She's resurfacing things, grinding her own meat, fixing her dryer and creating birdbaths out of stuff from the dollar store. She's amazing at everything, she's super cheap and she has ripped abs and she doesn't go to the gym.

There's one thing, though. Yup, Canadian.


I still hate this blog...

Remember Kendi. Yeah, KENDI. She blogs about what she wears. Every. Day. Of. My. Life.

I just wanted to check back in KendiShemdi. The photographs kinda crack me up. Can you imagine being this indulgent? I would be like, "no, stop. Stop with the pictures. I can't take myself." THIS IS RIDIC.

I hate her blog a lot, I guess. But where'd you get those cute-ass coral colored pumps, Kendi? WHERE?


The DIY-ers

The first time I read younghouselove.com, it was because of this baby picture project. Sick. Now, these people - the adorbz bloggers - are remodeling their second house. SECOND. Once their first one was done I guess they needed a new house to blog about. [SWEARING and EYE ROLLING]

You can read the amazing story here. They do all these amazing projects in their house, and with their child, and they are sweet, collaborative even! HA! And they look like they are having fun. They are not yelling at each other. And crying. And hyperventilating trying to choose a paint color for their baby room. (I have a pile of decorations for our nursery I just can't seem to decide on, which is awkward, since my kid is 8 months-old.) These people...consider my towel thrown-in. I give up.

Oh, and they quit their jobs, of course. These f-ers even have an Amazon shop. Un.be.lieveable. They do a lot more, I just need to go refill my glass of box wine now.


Hey Coupon Mom, Guess What?

I hate your blog. And yours.

Look, I use friggin' coupons. I'm a cheap bastard. All about it. But when you clog up my newsfeed with like, a free subscription to Woman's Day, it's kinda bullshit. Register now to sign up...STOP RIGHT THERE. I don't need the new Tide with Bleach sample that bad.

And somehow the Lord, and prayer always seems to be a part of Coupon Mom blogs. We save money for Jesus.
Now, there's the crazy EXTREME COUPON MOMS. Dude. I can't make this up. I was behind one recently, and she literally had every circular ad and was price-matching shit left and right. Cauliflower? Really? She got it for $1.99. Doesn't seem that extreme to me. But I hate caulflower.

I'm sure I'd save a sh*t ton if I was that organized. But I would hate myself and so would everyone in line behind me.

We'll visit you again, coupon mom blogger.


Why do I hate yer Blog?

Why do you hate on blogs so much, Kern? Why?

Here's why I hate yer blog:

1. There's an entire community of people who started a blog and who now do nothing for a living but BLOG.

Let me rephrase that for you...

There are people who started writing a blog for fun, and now, it's how they EARN A LIVING. PERIOD. Like, their spouses get to quit their jobs, too. [INSERT ME SWEARING HERE]

2. They are usually really good at something that most people can't do - like, say, coming up with amazing tasting vegan desserts.

3. These bloggers are also perfect. See this AND this.

4. The first time I read that someone had quit their day job to be a blogger, I felt rage, sadness, remorse, regret and hate. Not for them, of course.

5. I don't really hate yer blog. I kinda crush on it, and you.

6. How do these bloggers make all this money? Let's save that for another day, shall we?

So as you can see, there's lots reasons to hate yer blog.

Big Guns!

F it. Let's do this.

This is going to be a regular feature. It's gonna be call BIG GUNS. And I'm going to hate on the biggs. The big bloggers.

The ones who quit their jobs and now blog, fulltime. W.T. Mer. Fing. F? America is a good place is all I can say.

Design*Sponge, I'm looking right at you. Okay, so my eyes are blood shot and I'm a little hungover. I'm still glaring at you with envy and hateration.

Ah. I can't even read this one anymore. It's so amazingly--- amazing. It's a game changer on every level. If you haven't seen it, you're old and lame. And I hate it because it's beautiful.

And of course they are like home owners in Williamsburg now. Ridiculous.

I'm not thrifty or crafty, I guess. OR Thrifty Ideas for Stunning DIY Decor

Do you know what this would look like at my house? Like salvaged cement from a neighbors garden remodel? NO, it would look like shit, like, living under an underpass hobo style shit. Like someone dumped a bunch of their cement in my yard. Not a cool, upcycled cement picnic table. Like it does here. I hate this blog. I could never do this, but I wish I could. [I love this blog, jerks]. Curbly | DIY Design Community

Thrifty Ideas for Stunning DIY Decor! » Curbly | DIY Design Community « Keywords: Inspiration, thrift, decor, salvage

Cool. I'm the worst mom ever. Awesometown.

Thanks, hostess with the mostest blog. No, really. I needed to feel terrible about my party hosting skills. I have some dumbass CB2 plates and I call that decore and done. A couch on the beach weren't in my plans for my child's first birthday.You know what one-year-olds want? They want to stuff their face with their first bites of cake heaven and poop and sleep. Not sit on the beach. On a couch. Dicks. 

This chick


Seriously. She takes a picture of her adorable ass in her outfits. Every. G. D. Day. So she can share with the world how adorable she is. Skinny, pretty, funny, successful. Seriously? Why do you have to rub it in my face? I have enough trouble trying to find pants that fit, let alone taking a picture of my outfit everyday.

Oh, and she doesn't have any kids, she has a blog instead! OMG HOW, CA-UTE!

Oh, part duex, her name is KENDIE. [insert me swearing. A lot.]

Ugh. I hate yer blog. But I love your hair. And all your cute outfits. Okay, fine. Bring it. You're everything I've always wanted to be Kendie-kins.

I shall make fun of your blog now.

A blog about blogs! HA! How ironic.

Look, I'm going to make fun of your blog, and it's not because I'm a hater, or evil or angry. I'm just sick of feeling bad about myself because you're more craftier. Funnier. Prettier. Smarter. Find better links than I do. And you follow through with great DIY ideas.

And how you got to quit your job because your blog is so successful. I'm just jealous. Shoot.

There will be swearing fun, tears, typos and, above all, lots of blogs to look at and be jealz of. You can handle it.

And we will pronounce the blog name in a hillbilly, slingblade voice. Because it's fun. And we're kind of a hillbilly.