Blogs can drain your bank account

I. want. to. not. look. so. tired.

I read a blog today. Inspired, I thought, maybe I should check out some of this stuff. And like someone bonked me on the head and dollars and dollars later WHAT HAVE I DONE.

I went in to Ulta with a $3.50 off coupon to get under eye concealer since I look like a f*cking zombie now. And the sales lady was so nice, helpful, honest(ish) and she like, did things FOR ME. She said things no one ever says to me. For example: "Did you want me to go grab that for you?" Then she shows up with a neutral long wearing lip color. I was like clay in her hands. Her well moisturized Ulta emplyee stank hands.

Concealer Dark circles due to lack of sleep and aging, anyone?
Lip color Long wearing. A little out of my comfortzone.
Lip color w/minty feeling
brows Awesome for my Larry Hagman brows - game changer.
eyelashes - best selling mascara at Ulta BTW
blush It's kinda a given I'd choose this one. Love everything about it.
creaseless eyeshadow (not sure I believe this) this came in the most beautiful box I've seen.

Ooops so this happend. Bye bye tax return.

Auuugh Piece of Toast

I"ll never, ever understand what makes one lifestyle/ fashion/ design blog take off and one not. They are all kind of the same. Blown out photography filters, pretty people standing on the street looking aloof and on trend and skinny.

I found these gals/sisters/bloggers/superstars when I registered for an event at Anthropologie suggested to me by @etsystalker (then I received the following email. RUDE).

Sooooooo I figured they must be the shizzle. And I clearly hate myself, so I had to like them on the Fbook since they rejected me (see how that works?) and now I get their blog posts. Which make me feel dumpy AND off-trend. They live in Dallas, just like me.

Pretty, thin, blond successful sister, anyone? I'm not sure how many pairs of cobalt skinny jeans I can handle.

HI WE'RE PRETTY. YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT.

I didn't die in a mass shooting.

Right? It's been so long since I posted it seems like I'm (this blog is) basically dead. Best blogger in the history of the world right here folks. I've been busy with life: ie, not my own life. New life. [Ugh here she goes talking about being a mom, gross]

And I most CERTAINLY have not had time to be on the web. Oh no, not me. No time.

What's it like to have a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old? Since I won't remember any of this due to the loss of memory from lack of sleep, I'll list it.

Besides holding, feeding, cuddling I'm (new moms are) occupied/obsessed with:

• Eating dessert like a pregnant person. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks -- each get a dessert.
• Begging a two-year-old to start using the potty (then getting the equivalent of the bird from that two-year-old -- changing a poop diaper while she mimics us "It's a big old poop, Mommy!")
• Panic attacks RE: cost of childcare for two kids. Heart racing, cold sweats, bending numbers in Einstein-like calculations and coming up with new mathematical theorems in the process. But none that actually make childcare affordable.
• Doing laundry. (Each time I start a load I mentally hum this but with the word 'story' replaced by 'laundry.')
• The 'balancing family and work dilemma.' Newsflash a-holes: there is no solution. (Shut the f up Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer -- you have Nannys and drivers and I hate you).
• Wanting to punch people in the face when they talk about their 2-week-old WHO ALREADY SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT. I WILL KILL YOU ALL.
• Wanting to line up and then run over with my car the people who judge me based on my toddlers behavior at Trader Joes.
• Not sleeping. Exhaustion. Which leads to...
• Audio Books this one, this one and this one. And I want to read this one. 
• Bookmarking.
• Staring at recipes.
• Staring at king-sized bed frames.
• Staring at vacation packages online. It's creepy, all the staring but I'm so tired I can't make decisions so I just stare.
• Pandora Toddler station. Have to say, it's pretty great. Then this happens. I'm flipping you YOU OFF PANDORA.

I leave you with -- I've had this song in my head for 2 weeks.

Sorry internets, I won't be able to attend SXSW because I'll be holding this pose