And I most CERTAINLY have not had time to be on the web. Oh no, not me. No time.
What's it like to have a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old? Since I won't remember any of this due to the loss of memory from lack of sleep, I'll list it.
Besides holding, feeding, cuddling I'm (new moms are) occupied/obsessed with:
- Eating dessert like a pregnant person. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks -- each get a dessert.
- Begging a two-year-old to start using the potty (then getting the equivalent of the bird from that two-year-old -- changing a poop diaper while she mimics us "It's a big old poop, Mommy!")
- Panic attacks RE: cost of childcare for two kids. Heart racing, cold sweats, bending numbers in Einstein-like calculations and coming up with new mathematical theorems in the process. But none that actually make childcare affordable.
- Doing laundry. (Each time I start a load I mentally hum this but with the word 'story' replaced by 'laundry.')
- The 'balancing family and work dilemma.' Newsflash a-holes: there is no solution. (Shut the f up Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer -- you have Nannys and drivers and I hate you).
- Wanting to punch people in the face when they talk about their 2-week-old WHO ALREADY SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT. I WILL KILL YOU ALL.
- Wanting to line up and then run over with my car the people who judge me based on my toddlers behavior at Trader Joes.
- Not sleeping. Exhaustion. Which leads to...
- Audio Books this one, this one and this one. And I want to read this one.
- Staring at recipes.
- Staring at king-sized bed frames.
- Staring at vacation packages online. It's creepy, all the staring but I'm so tired I can't make decisions so I just stare.
- Pandora Toddler station. Have to say, it's pretty great. Then this happens. I'm flipping you YOU OFF PANDORA.
I leave you with -- I've had this song in my head for 2 weeks.
|Sorry internets, I won't be able to attend SXSW because I'll be holding this pose|